Darker skies than I expected at this time of day.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

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I am not here right now, and to put it as simply as I can ... it sucks not to be here right now. Soon I will be here again, and it will suck less, until I try to navigate Châtelet at rush hour. That really sucks. Trying to navigate Châtelet at rush hour sucks ass big time, (to quote my niece)




Somewhere in chapter 18

Monday, February 8, 2010

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I was spinning in circles, unable to eat, unable to sleep even, since Clem’s disappearance. Once the sadness had worn off, anger took its place, followed by a seemingly depthless depression and finally hysterical paranoia combined with a desperate need to sort this all out. How dare he just leave like that when everything was just beginning to make sense? How dare he bail out on me? I shoved my head through the hole and into Rose’s apartment, grabbed the telephone from her desk and pulled it back into my room and sat in the middle of the floor. I took a deep breath and dialled Clem’s number, my finger shaking at the thought of dialling into some kind of nothingness, wherever he was. It was making me sweat. I had visions of cables disappearing through dusty holes behind walls, down inside toilet bowls, down throats, into bleeding wounds, into ... God alone knows where. I shook my head, shooing away these ghastly scenes.
            I dialled, it rang. Shockingly, he answered after three rings, the unlikely sound of his voice booming from the receiver forced me to pull it away from my ear and stare at it with scepticism.
            The conversation went something, but not exactly, like this:
            I began by shouting, “Clem, you moron! Where are you? What’s going on?”
            “What!?” he yelled back. There was a lot of background noise, people talking, shouting, music. “Who’s that?”
            “Who’s tha ... it’s me! Henri! Henri Merle! Now listen, tell me where you are and I will come and get you. It sounds like you are in a deal of trouble.”
            “What? Hold on a minute, I can’t hear you. Maurice?” he yelled, before speaking to someone else in the background for what felt like an age. Eventually the music dropped and his voice came back again, talking at a more normal volume, “Ok, right-o. Who’s that?”
            “Clem it’s me, Henri. I miss you.”
            “Henri?”
            “Yes! I have so many things I want to talk to you about Clem, things that are happening, things we never got around to saying, I still really, really need your help. I think I am beginning to spin out of control Clem, I am dying and confused and I don’t know what is real anymore. I don’t know if I am writing things that happen or if I am writing things that happened or even if perhaps these are my own ideas after all. I have some conclusions that I want to share with you. I’ve made notes. If you ...” I stopped as he interrupted.
            “Wait. Henri who?” he asked just as the music went back to its original volume and someone began singing along, revoltingly out of tune. “Hello?” he shouted.
            “Clem!” I yelled.
            “I’m hanging up now,” he screamed, “can’t hear a damn thing in here.” Crack! Silence.

bath time

Friday, February 5, 2010

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Still in the bath it seems. I reach to the side of my head and turn the tap. It screeches in my ear and I jump with fright and yell out, hurting my throat. I haven’t spoken for two days. The cold water splutters out and I drink down what I can get into my mouth, Jonas you have a train to catch, the rest soaks my tee-shirt and darkens my jeans. The water hits my stomach like gasoline. I slither and slide in the tub as I try to get out. Tears sting my eyes.



An award and a sigh

Thursday, February 4, 2010

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The sigh is because one year ago I was in Rome, (see picture) and I had great plans to go back there again at the same time this year. But obviously I haven't. I'm not even in Paris right now, which I think explains the normalness of the recent posts. Paris inspires, and often creates, madness. Woah, this was supposed to be about Rome and I am already off track. I think I have mentioned before my love/hate relationship with Italy ... hate is too strong a word, its just the goddamned mental driving I can't cope with. It makes driving round the Parisian peripheral road seem fun by comparison. Everything else about Italy is great though. Uh, well ... let's not start about Italian politics. (Did you notice Paris got squeezed in there again a couple of sentences ago though) Sigh.

Almost forgot the real point of this post. I was thinking about blog awards the other day after spotting a few blogs which declare themselves award-free, which is fair enough. Let's not get into the whys and why nots here though. I'm just going to invent an award and some rules and hand it out ... I seriously dont know where this is going.

brb

Ah well, its the fish again.


I'm handing it out to five people, because more than five is a waste. Of time perhaps.

So here they are ......

Scarlet over at Scarlet On The Couch because she seems to be fairly new to all this but posts like crazy. The photos are few, but if you like to read a lot, shoot over there right now. 

Phoenix over at res ipsa loquitur because she writes long posts which don't feel like long posts. Like this.

Jasmine over at an experiment in poverty for various reasons, especially this post.

De'May over at De'May Plush for this and this.

Actually, I have just discovered that the last blog I was going to nominate has disappeared, which has kind of ruined my night. Why? So I am going to leave it at four for now, but there will be more in the future I suspect. It's kind of difficult doing this kind of thing, what with all the good stuff out there. Whatever. Ah yeah, rules for the award. There are none. No, there are a couple. Give it to someone else. Five MAXIMUM. But you have to mention a specific post when you do. Or of course, if you are award-free, then you can store it in the attic ... no worries!

Be nice

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

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Be nice to people. Its not hard. Unless the people in question are fucking assholes who speak to you like shit, then it is not so easy is it? Ah well. This has a relevance in my life right now, but not one that is worth talking about here. I just don't get people sometimes.


I have a load more stuff to write, but I think this post should end here. It's snowing again though.







Clouds, 2010 style

Sunday, January 31, 2010

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I have read that last post about a dozen times now, and I have to say that I like it quite a lot. Good God ... what a damn disgusting thing for any blogger to say about their own work, right? Of course it is. What a terrible start to this post. I think I was going to talk about clouds ... 

I wrote the title about half an hour ago, and since then I have made a coffee and clicked through a heap of internet banality, so now I can't quite remember where the title, or the decision to use this photo, were going. 

Clouds, 2010 style? Maybe I was saying "away with negativity!" Christ, I think that's exactly what I was going to ramble on about now that I think of it. Ah, well you can make up your own mind about what I was going to say ... it will probably make more sense. 

 Tomorrow : a new award.

Je N'en connais pas la fin.

Monday, January 11, 2010

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I won't be going 'round there after dark anymore.


I saw you in a black and white image the other day, the first time I ever saw your face. At first I thought the perfection was either an impossibility or perhaps my biased opinion. Perhaps my judgement was clouded by emotion. But on reflection, your perfection was indeed real, real enough to make me feel so incredibly far beneath you, as ridiculous as that sounds.


I looked at your hand and imagined holding it, I looked at your mouth and wondered what you would eventually say, I looked at your eyes and contemplated the impression you would have of me, asked myself if that was already written or even important.


Later on I sat in front of a blank page and took a long, deep breath while I contemplated the paradox of time versus needs. Time is something I thought I had in abundance, until I saw your face. Now, as I try to imagine fitting in everything I have to do for you, want to do for you, it has finally clicked that there isn't quite as much time as I could do with. But now the goals are, if not yet realised, finally real. As real as that black and white image.


Shudder.

Night Surcharge - 50cents

Sunday, January 10, 2010

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I was supposed to be nominating bloggers, ten of them (ten of you) but that's impossible right now. I was trying to think of a specific group of blogs, but that didnt work either. Well, not to worry. There are a bunch of blogs I like very much over there on the right ... I would nominate them all, but as I said, it's supposed to be ten.

I was also supposed to be coming up with ten interesting things, something that I should have just done at the time, spontaneously, instead of thinking it over and finally realizing that the moment had passed. The ten interesting things are going to have to wait as well I guess.

One thing which may be of interest is that this is the last Beyond Wunderman post ... or rather, the second last post. For a very long time at least.

Which explains the centered text perhaps ... 

Ok, need to go get some sleep. 


Horse-whipped.

Friday, January 8, 2010

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This was how Edinburgh looked as we flew in. In all these years of flying back and forward I have never seen it look as nice as it did on that day. Perfect timing ... it wasnt quit dark but all the street lights were coming on, snow everywhere. Yeah well, I got a bit trigger happy on the flight to Scotland, which you may or may not have already read about. I then enjoyed two weeks of deep snow, the like of I have not seen since I was a kid but will no doubt see again very soon as Europe is about to become one giant snowball apparently. 

So, moving on. As I predicted a few weeks ago, it is now January, which can only mean good thing. Things like this ... Phoenix over at Res Ipsa Loquitur gave this blog the "Kreativ Blogger" award the other day, which was as good a way to start the year as any I guess. I need to find somewhere to hang it. Phoenix dropped by a few weeks ago and left this wonderful post which I recommend you read before you jump over to check out her own blog which she fills with interesting and funny tales and happenings ... but please note that she has a first degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, so don't go giving her any grief.

I am now supposed to ten you ten interesting things about myself and then nominate another 10 bloggers ... thats going to go on a bit. So I will do that tomorrow :)

Two Bodies.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

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What better way is there to wake on your day off than to be squashed between two warm, naked bodies? 
I struggle to think of one.






(isn't this post just crying out for a photograph to go with it?)





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