Explanation #9

The traffic never stops, but that traffic, its noise, smell, the vibrations, they have all become part of me, or more importantly; part of this room. I fear that if one day I awake to the sound of silence it will drive me crazier than the noise ever could. Darkness never fills the room, the streetlight outside sets the backdrop, the top X of the triple-X neon sign attached to the store below burns through the curtains until almost three a.m every morning.

That was the first thing I changed after I found myself here, those curtains. I swapped them with the thick, dark-green liners that hung in the hallway, converted them as best I could to a set of drapes and hung them in my room, but still the red light creeps through. Red light filtered through thick green material creates a sickening, extra terrestrial glow that makes your skin look diseased. The shape of that uppermost X is as visible as if through clear glass, and neon signs … they buzz. No one had ever told me that, why would they? Neon signs buzz and occasionally they give out a crack! sending a of flicker of static across my TV screen, causing my heart to momentarily speed up.

Thanks to my hearing condition after the crash, I have to leave the television set on constantly, and when I am not watching I switch it to a channel with no broadcast. Constant white noise, I had read, disguises tinnitus. I can hear you ask, "what is worse, the tinnitus or the constant white noise?" and to be frank I don’t know, I haven’t decided yet. But the constant sound of static adds something to the character of the room, and the ever present flicker of the screen - which brings a three-dimensional depth to the shadows, combined with the sweeping beams of cars three-pointing in the junction across the road, the streetlight, constant, and the red X beating between the dark green fabric of the drapes keep that character in check.

The walls of the room I painted blue, an unnatural blue, a thick, hard blue that contrasted violently against everything else creating visual noise, life, stimulus and a roar of confusion which is so difficult to accept during the daytime, yet beautiful, thrilling and arousing at night.